Who Am I? Round 2

I wrote and posted this blog about a year ago now and have referenced it multiple times over the last year.  I use this as a constant reminder of the growth that God has brought me through this last year.  It is amazing to see the work He has done in my life and the change He has brought about.  I am who He says I am!

I was born into a military family.  And I was born with 12 toes.  These 2 facts alone made me different.  I became accustomed to the life of a military kid.  I moved around from place to place and was familiar with the role of new kid in school or church.  I also knew that if wouldn’t be long before I would be leaving and moving again.  I allowed this way of life and these circumstances to define who I was.  I didn’t trust people with my heart.  I wouldn’t really open up and be vulnerable.  I acted differently around different groups of people in order to blend in and not stick out so much.  This way of life continued even after my dad retired from the military.  It was something that had already become habit, and I most of the time I was not aware of the fact that I was doing this. So this blog was written in October of 2014 and here it is: 

In addition to allowing my military childhood to define my identity, I also allowed my feet to define me.  Being born with 12 toes is not normal.  It is for my family, but not for the rest of the world.  But there was another thing that accompanied this birth ‘defect.’  To date I have had to have 7 surgeries on my feet in order to remove and correct multiple issues that arise from begin born with extra big toes on both feet.  So I allowed this to define me.  I used my feet as an excuse to not participate in different things and therefore further secluded myself from people.  I sat on the sidelines and watched my life pass me by. 

I had begun a relationship with God when I was 6 years old, but I kept that relationship on the surface level the way I did with all my relationships.  I didn’t really go deep with God.  I knew who He was, what He had done, and that He loved me unconditionally.  But I didn’t really allow God the opportunity to love me fully or fully direct my life. 

God knew He had to get my attention somehow. So He used a very unexpected and scary situation to remove all distractions from my life so I could focus on Him and learn to listen to His voice. On November 1, 2005, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. (Actually it was a cavernous hemangioma, but tumor is easier to explain and understand.)  This diagnosis forever changed my life.  But it took a while for me to understand just how fully it would impact me and for me to see God’s plan in this situation. Instead, I added this to the list of things/circumstances that I allowed to define my life.  I was now the 16 year old girl who would have to have brain surgery and may not make it out alive.  I was the girl who, if I did survive, would have a long list of problems. This was how I defined myself.  

That was until I woke up after surgery without any problems.  My tumor had been removed and my brain was working properly.  I didn’t have any of the side effects the doctor said were possibilities. It was at this moment that I began to hear and discern God’s voice in my life.  The following summer, God called me into the ministry.  My problem was that I was still allowing my circumstances to define me.  So at this point I began to define myself as the girl who was going into the ministry. 

You have to understand that the denomination I grew up in allows women to serve in very few areas of ministry. So I was one of very few women pursuing a degree in biblical studies and after that going to seminary.  

This was how I defined myself: as the girl from a military family who had a long list of medical issues and was going into the ministry.  

I defined myself this way until about 2-3 months ago.  It was somewhere between Bolivia and Peru that God opened my eyes to this fact and the fact that I really had no idea who I was.  At this point I became an emotional wreck!  I prayed and asked God to forgive me for allowing other things to define me.  I  asked Him to show me who I really was.  

He once again proved Himself faithful and provided me with a  list of who He says I am.  But at the point when He gave me this list I only accepted this new identity as a head knowledge.  He knew this.  So He began showing me and teaching me about these things and changing it from a head knowledge to a heart knowledge. 

So here is how God defines me, who God says that I am.  This is my new identity!

I am…

• A Worshipper
• A Dancer
• A Daughter of the One True King
• A Servant
• Set Free
• Redeemed
• Loved
• Cherished
• Beautiful
• Worthy
• Accepted
• Chosen
• Called
• Alive
• Useful
• Noticed
• Set Apart
• Bold
• Courageous
• A Princess of Heaven
• Trustworthy
• A Future Wife
• A Future Mom
• Created
• Made just the way God had planned
• More than a conqueror
• A Prayer Warrior
• A Discerner
• A Warrior for Christ
• Light
• Salt
• A Pillar
• Being Healed
• Qualified
• Being made new each day

My question for you is…What do you allow to define you? Where do you find your identity?  Is it in your circumstances?  Do you allow others to define you?  If it is anything but God, ask Him to open your eyes to who He says you are.  It makes life so much better and more enjoyable when you are not looking to others or circumstances for your identity.  I am by no means a finished work, but rather, a work in progress and I am perfectly fine with that!

P.S.  I love hearing from all of you and interacting with you.  I love hearing what you have to say and how these blogs have impacted you so don’t hesitate to leave a comment or send me an email!  Thank you all for the support that you have lavished on me along this life-transforming journey!  You’re the best!