Back during my first week in Peru (August 2014), I was asked a question: “Who are you outside of your gifts?” At that time I had no idea who I was, and that broke me. That brokenness sent me to Papa asking who He said I am. He proceeded to give me a list of all the things He has called me from the beginning of time. I followed that conversation up with a blog called, “Who Am I?” From that point forward, God began to show me and teach me what it meant to live out those identities in my daily life. It was not an easy process, but the growth and reward has been unbelievable.
But this journey didn’t end with the list like I thought it would.
When I got to South Africa for my final month, God spoke a new identity to me. The identity took my breath away and puzzled me all at the same time. It was only about a week and a half later when one of our ministry hosts felt God telling Him to pray over me. Willie came and found me out in the soup kitchen and said he was going to pray for me. As he was praying, he spoke the exact same identity over me that God had been giving me.
This identity was so unexpected and unusual that Willie stopped and made a point to say that He had never used/spoken that name over anyone else in all of his ministry. I didn’t know what to do at that point, so I kept my identity a secret. I told only one or two teammates and that was it.
Two months later, I’m working at a camp for a week at North Greenville University. One night, I had been out late trying to help get things ready for the next day. When I finally came into my room and was getting ready for bed, one of my roommates (I forget in exactly what context) speaks that identity over me again. I literally stopped in my tracks and slowly turned to her and asked her to repeat what she said. She did and then I had to explain the significance of that name to me.
At this point, there are maybe 5 people besides myself who know of this identity that has been spoken over me.
But I still keep this identity hidden and secret as I have not figured out what it means to live it out. What does it look like to be this in America, at Adventures, being an apprentice, being a house mate, being a disciple, etc.? I thought I needed to figure this all out before I began living it out and before I told too many people of this identity.
Then Adventure Week happened. I spent a week in Papa’s Presence, allowing Him to speak to me, and remove the fears of perfection and the need to always have things right.
With this removal of perfection came art. I picked up my coloring pencils and began to draw the pictures He had given me. Then on our second day, He says it’s time to come out of hiding and share my new identity with the world.
I was so scared and nervous about what would happen and what people would think of me. I was slipping on people pleasing. I was about to tell God that I was not going to share it. I was going to stay where I was. I was not going to draw the picture or write the words. BUT then I realized that it really wasn’t me that was putting up the fight. It was my flesh. It was the enemy not wanting me to live out what God has empowered me with. The enemy was getting scared and using what he could to keep me from being who I was created to be.
So with that understanding, I said no to my flesh. I said no to perfection. And I drew a depiction of my identity:
Something happened as I drew it. I felt perfection falling away. I felt boldness and courage rising. I felt victory flooding my soul. I felt capable of sharing my identity with the world. And the whole time I knew it was nothing that I was doing. I was simply dying and allowing God to birth this identity in me.
So here I am, telling the world:
I AM A WARRIOR PRINCESS!
