I’m Dying
I’m dying. It’s not a pretty thing. It’s not an enjoyable thing. I don’t know how much longer I have. It’s a hard thing to wrap my mind around, but I have surrendered to this season. I’m dying and waiting on God to show me what He wants from this season.
You should be dying too.
The first three weeks of the year, the staff, alumni, racers, and friends of Adventures in Missions were challenged to fast and pray. It was a time specifically set aside by our leadership to take this year to the Lord and see what He has for us personally and as an organization in 2016.
It has been a unique time. It has been a difficult time. It has been a time of dying. There have been days when fasting was easy and not a burden, and then there were other days where I was driven to the feet of the Father in desperation as He brought me through what He had called me to do.
Several months ago I listened to a sermon on fasting and the pastor something that I have known but never knew just how to phrase it in the simplest way. He said, “You can pray without fasting, but you cannot fast with praying.” Isn’t that the truth?
When we try to deny the desires of our flesh, we realize that we cannot do it on our own. We see what our flesh desires and before we know it we are moving towards it. It is only by dying to ourselves every moment of the day that we can allow God’s strength and help to flood our beings and give us the perseverance to say no to our fleshly desires.
It’s strange, after spending 3 weeks on a fast, to suddenly not be doing it anymore. To have to remind myself that I can eat whenever I want. It’s reviving a part of me that I had put to death over those few weeks. I find myself looking at the sun and wondering when it will go down. And that thought now sends me to the throne room. Except now, instead of asking Papa to provide for me and to remove the desires of my flesh, I simply spend time with Him, thanking Him for his provision and sustaining grace.
But that is not the only outcome of the fast. It’s 2AM right now as I am writing this. I was awoken at 1:30 for no natural or physical reason and I could not go back to sleep. I laid there in bed asking Papa if He wanted something of me at this time of the day. He didn’t immediately answer. So I changed my question. I asked that if I was supposed to get out of bed and spend time with Him that He not allow me to fall back asleep until I had completed what He was asking of me. And with that I rolled over and got physically comfortable in bed again. But as I lay there, this blog began to write itself in my head and I could not fully fall asleep. So after about 5-10 minutes of wrestling with my flesh, I got out of bed and came to my living room.
As I sit here writing this blog, I am realizing that the fast I just completed is not really over. I’m never done dying to myself. I’m never done saying no to my flesh in exchange for time with Papa. I’m never done dying so that I can live. And I choose to die. I choose to die so that Christ may live in and through me. It’s the way we were designed and made. I function better this way. I live a fuller life when I am dead and Christ is alive in me.
So my question to you is, “Are you dying?”
As I am beginning my second semester here at CGA in Gainesville, GA, I find myself at a place of dependency again. It’s a place that I am becoming familiar and comfortable in, but it is a necessary place for me to be. I am still a Levi. I am still in need of the support of those around me. I cannot do what God has called me to do and be a part of this movement without you.
If you are praying and God is asking you to be part of this support system. Then I want to say Thank You. If that support is prayer and encouragement, then please feel free to either comment on this blog or email me letting me know you are supporting me in this way. If you are being called by God to support me financially, then I say, “Thank You!,” and you can do that by clicking on the link at the top of this blog. I look forward to keeping in touch with you and sharing what God is doing here in this community, around the world, and in my life in this season.
